YOU'RE A #%@*ING DONKEY

By: Kent Anderson

 

I haven’t seen daylight in three days. I’ve been shut in my apartment, taken to the mat by a hideous flu-like sickness that was covertly introduced into my world. It’s my own fault. In an effort to leave the poker table with more of my winnings I have reduced my whiskey intake. Conventional wisdom wants you to believe that health improves when so called “vices” are avoided. There is some room for debate here. I haven’t taken ill for years because I maintain a perfectly toxic environment in my body that includes generous and regular doses of whiskey, cigarettes and an eclectic selection of restaurant prepared high fat low fiber meals. This futuristic regimen makes it impossible for germs and viruses to gain a foothold. If you remove the corner stone the building tumbles.

 

The positive in all this is that I have been playing a lot of poker online. The virtual game has been integral to my convalescence with one exception… there are a lot of donkeys out there. Without fail at every table people are calling each other donkeys. What a Donk move, Donk Donk you’re there, typical Internet Donkey and my favorite, You’re a #%@*ING Donkey.

 

These keyboard tirades are consistently dripping with irony. Like when the short stack prices you in for your open ended straight draw, you hit it on the turn and without hesitation he bulldozes the rest of his stack to you.

Wait for it…. wait… here it is… “Only a donkey would make that call” Maybe it was a donkey making that foolish bet.

 

All these little green poker hoods crying donkey are actually crying out for help as they have reached their frustration limits with their own Ass-like play. Just because you flopped top pair doesn’t mean you win sunshine. And just because your opponent called a bet you wouldn’t or couldn’t doesn’t make them a #%@*ING donkey.

While conventional wisdom may dictate that there is something inherently negative about donkeys, I must once again take exception. The dictionary definition clears it all up. A Donkey is defined as a sturdy patient mammal classified with the Asses. Sounds like he might make one hell of a card player.


So next time you slow play you’re pocket Aces and get dropped by a flush on the river, it’s not a bad beat, it’s bad play and the stubborn beast of burden at the table is you. Until next time…

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